Male patron of about fifty, dirty-looking and ragged: "I'm going to need some help getting on the internet".
Me: "Do you have a library card?"
Patron: "No. It's a security thing. It's urgent."
Me: "We have one-day guest passes that you can use." I walk the patron to an open PC and log him on to save him time.
Patron sits down: "Do you guys have maps?"
Me: "We have a number of atlases and road maps. Is there any place in particular you'd like to reference?"
Patron: "It's for the Marshals (U.S. Marshals???)"
Me: "Ok." He's actually only a few feet from the atlas stand.
Patron: "I need maps of (unnamed city)"
Me: "Ok. This is a dated, but pretty concise map of Indiana with (unnamed) city included with details."
Patron: "What county is this?"
Me: "You are in (unnamed) county."
Patron: "We're looking for a guy near who lives near the White River. Do you know where that is?"
Me: "It's about 9-10 miles to the southwest of where we are."
Patron: "OOOOHHH... Vincennes! That's where I'm from!"
I smiled and left him at the stand. The guy smelled like booze, looked like a hobo, and if he did indeed work for the U.S. Marshals, that must be quite a get-up. If he has a get-up, he has a great bluff since he had no idea where in the hell he was, no idea how to operate the PC, no idea how to read a map.
Is this the kind of employee the Marshals service is looking for? Why did I pay good money for library school?
This was about a week ago. It gets better. The same guy came in today muttering how he needs a psychiatrist and we'll need one too, to my coworker and I. You bet we will! I would actually count him among the transient interstate hobos that randomly appear and disappear every once in a while. Glad he at least has his top secret clearance.
